Let's Get this Party Started!

Alright, Alright I know this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and this journey is something most people will not be able to do; but I was getting hesitant. No.. let me not lie, I was getting scared! That's right, I know it's hard to believe that I would fear anything, all the dumb stuff I've done over the years, but this is different.  I was scared first of all that I didn't have the stamina to make the trip.  It's a lot to inflict on oneself: away from the comforts of home  for 5 months!  My beloved bed, my bar with all my favorite remedies, my backyard where I lay on the fake turf with my dogs to try to solve the worlds problems, and my one splurge in life - my hottub!  For those of you who don't know, I have some physical ailments that I've accumulated over the years from sports, pledging (getting hazed), and general abuse of my body over the years.  I know, I know, I look chiseled, but trust me I'm like a 1956 Corvette....looks good on the outside but you really don't want to ride in it cause the ac doesnt work and the seat springs are constantly digging into your ass! Well that's my body. When it is prepared and it's time to push it, the adrenaline kicks in to numb the pain and this body will do anything I tell it in world class fashion.  However, I pay for it later. Thus the hot tub, cognac, and celebrex (my favorite anti inflammatory:)!  Well you can't prepare your body for a 12 hour plane flight in economy! On top of that I'm hyper and hate to be closed in with other people that long.  You start hearing the sneezing, coughing, snoring, and it gets louder and louder and louder! I usually start losing it around hour six, Thats when Carmen starts the pep talks,"Baby, you ok? You want a drink? How about some food? Please don't strangle that dude next to you who's been grunting and snorting the whole trip." To which I reply,"Dammitt don't ask me if I'm ok, you know I'm not ok. My inferior iliac bone has eroded through my gluteus maximus (my ass bones are poking through my ass cheeks). My knees feel like they've been hit by a sledge hammer because this damn chair in front of me is pressed up against them. My neck feels like there is a samuri sword sticking right through it, and my lower back has been in spasm for the last three hours! Dont pep talk me, just give me one last kiss.  Cause after I strangle this guy next to me, I'm sure the air marshalls are going to taze me to death! They better, because if they don't I'm going to open the plane door and take everyone with me; cause baby, Im not gonna make it another hour on this plane and I'm too pissed off to go by myself dammitt!" Can the airlines just charge us the extra $15 and make the economy seats a little bigger? By hour 12, I'm usually wishing I was on a slave ship in the middle of the Atlantic, at least they got to lay down!  So now you see my mindset the day we were leaving. Carmen is buzzing around the house like a bumblebee. Checking her packing list (30 times over), yip yapping about this tour and that tour, giving my mom instructions about the dogs and showing her where everything is in the house.  Meanwhile I'm in the bathroom throwing up and chain smoking the last of my cuban cigars.  I can't believe I paid $4k to subject myself to 25 flights in 5 months! Thats just the flights yall, I didnt mention airport security. The proposition of having to submit to a cavity search is a real possibilty for a brother these days since this Christmas day bombing attempt.  Now yall know I am not submitting.  Can you imagine? "Dr. Brown we are gonna have to check your colon for bombs sir. " Did yall see Indiana Jones Temple of Doom when the Indian priest reached straight through his enemy's chest bone to pull his beating heart out in his hand?  Well I feel for the TSA officer who tells me he has to do a cavity search on me! I've been to 6 continents in the last 2 years and still get scared.  I have dove with Great White sharks and still get scared. I grew up in Washington, DC in the 1980s and still get scared.  I have hiked through the densest jungles and I still get scared.  Ain't that what its all about yall? Overcoming your fears and your comforts to become something better than you ever thought you could be? Self actualization period......

Needless to say, I got myself together, loaded the bags and kissed my home and my momma goodbye! Popped Willie Nelson on the Ipod, "On the Road Again"...